There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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