I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
