Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
