The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
