he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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