you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
