you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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