Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
