I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
