good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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