Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
