Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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