ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did i walk over a car last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
