if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
