Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have tasted many bathrooms
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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