Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
