I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found puke in my bra..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
