He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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