i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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