Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
