Ambien. No doubt about it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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