Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
