i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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