No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
