Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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