yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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