remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
