On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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