It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
