Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
