we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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