i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
