mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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