they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
