Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
