Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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