I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
