Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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