Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
