But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
