Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
