Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
