He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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