There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
