I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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