His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
