Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
