Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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