Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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