we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
