he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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