just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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