he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
