have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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